…Been travelling, back in Germany. Visiting friends, spending time with family.. and so on. Stuff. A lot of it, it’s good. Am gonna hopefully be able to retreat into creation again soon, but I feel I’m on the verge of it already.
Loving the dog, there’s a dog around currently, gonna say good buy though tomorrow. Am appreciating dogs, loving them as much as they love me, but my travels in Australia as well as Taiwan have definitely taught me that I’m more of a cat person; just for the sake of a different kind of relationship.
Also it’s eshetics, a cat is just.. At least peaking in one quality of evolution. For instance determination, or maybe the flow of their movement.. It reminds me of yoga..
Well, well.. So long. Don’t wait, but be sure something’s gonna come.
Why am I so happy today? I don’t understand! And I’m saying this with a big smile. Is it because of this awesome song which I’ve discovered and been listening to, am listening to now? Is it because I’ve opened up for new ideas of being, not only in the mind but finally all over? Is it because I’m expressing myself through art, which helps me to support myself and which gives me the chance to express my emotions and what touches me? Is it because I’ve made such good friends with the beautiful, black cat I’ve been living with? I just picked him up for the first time and pet him while holding him on my arms. We came a long way from him running away from me to us being close friends and chilling together in my room, while I’m writing this.
All of this right now, what I’m feeling, builds such a strong and beautiful contrast to the crushing negativity which I know so well. I can’t remember the last time it took only a wonderful piece of music to make me this happy instantly, can’t remember the last time when I had some sort of blind trust in life and don’t know if ever before I was this close to believing that it’s actually possible to be content. Of course we are content as children, little, little children. When we’re not spoiled yet, when our minds are blank and not polluted by others, by the self hate of others, by the self hate of the world. But I’m not talking about the child mind, I’m talking about the knowledgable mind, the aware mind. The mind that has seen things, has been exposed. The mind which is not innocent any more, which had to and has do deal with everything. For that mind to reach contentment, real and honest contentment - it takes much. Of course it’s different for every mind but for mine it always seemed impossible, seems less impossible now. And less, and less…
The cat is gone now, he asked me to open the door. The track is over, it’s play time is 4 minutes and 51 seconds, but I’m not getting tired of repeating it. There is less external reason to be happy and also I am experienced enough to know that any sort of high will come to an end, maybe even bounce back into a low. But currently; currently the cat is gone, the music is off and I still feel the same way as when I started to write this..
Maybe soon my mind can start to believe in the possibility of balance as well.
I just lost something that I’ve worked on for a couple of hours, just because the program crashed. I could get mad and emotional over it, be frustrated and spoil my now - but I won’t. I could say how this stuff always happens and how I’m meant to be screwed by technical equipment but I choose to not manifest this reality. I will simply accept what is and enjoy this conscious moment in which I maintain the power of picking my state of mind - rather than my state of mind being picked by outer circumstances.
Ich hab grad was verloren an dem ich für zwei Stunden gearbeitet habe, weil das Programm abgestürzt ist. Ich könnte emotional werden und mich ärgern, frustiert sein und mir das Jetzt versauen - aber das wird nicht passieren. Ich könnte sagen, dass mir sowas dauernd passiert und dass es mein Schicksal ist von der Technik in den Wahnsinn getrieben zu werden - aber ich wähle, diese Realität nicht zu manifestieren. Ganz einfach werde ich akzeptieren was ist und diesen bewussten Moment genießen; diesen Moment, in dem ich mir die Macht erhalte, meinen Geisteszustand selbst zu bestimmen - anstatt äußeren Umständen zu erlauben dies für mich zu tun.